Always an Aunt?

Infertility sucks! Big time. It felt like no one was listening to me. And although I had confided in my closest friends and my sister, I felt like people just didn't know what to say to me.

In the meantime, as in the MIDDLE of this struggle, my Sister-In-Law became pregnant, again. She happily announced her pregnancy with the whole family over one Sunday afternoon and i just lost it. I couldn't hold in my emotions any longer. I smiled as long as I could and congratulated her. And even sat through my Father-in-Law celebrating his victory.  He exclaimed "I WON, I WAS RIGHT" and looked right at us as soon as my SIL announced their pregnancy. Both my husband and I looked at each other in disgust/shock. My FIL went on to say that he had a bet with my MIL...which of their sons would 'win' and get their wife pregnant first. Wow, great. I'm so happy that you were right that your son and myself weren't able to get pregnant. We made no secret about the fact that we wanted children and were TTC as soon as we got married. And to make matters worse, my husband had confided in his father that we were having difficulties and how hard I was taking it. This last little knife he stabbed into my heart, forced me to get up and leave the room. As I sat crying, alone, in my SIL's bathroom I tried to think about why this is happening to us?  Then we had to hear that we didn't seem that excited to hear the good news about the new baby. And why weren't we more celebratory. What the fuck is wrong with people and their complete lack of sensitivity.

For the next few months at every family gathering we heard well when are YOU TWO going to get going on that?! And then we had to sit and listen to all the happy pregnancy talk, nursery decorations, colors, etc.

My husband and I began to fight more and the stress of all the appointments, bloodtests, side effects and lack of progress really got to both of us. We agreed to take a few months off from the clomid and IUI's and poking and prodding and TTC and then start again fresh with a new doctor.